literate

I chose the 'Georgia' font, seeing as its all east coast friendly. It goes like this. Dad and I catch a bite at Flipperz and walk the beach. We cross the intercoastal and hit MacDaddy's. A bowling alley/arcade bit. Right before I can tell the bellboy I need a size 10, Brandon walks up to me in a MacDaddy's uniform. We don't say anything, just hug, flabbergasted. You kidding me? Okay, then. So he hangs around and we chat inbetween frames. Lovely, really. Completely sky-rocketed my score.. simply because my head wasn't in the game. Doin the job..you know. And doing it right up to a personal best of 164. Thanks Brandon. Said he's rooming with a girl. Naturally, I asked him if he loves her. He fell back into the mindset of my God-sent friend from months ago, "Ah well, I don't really like the word love, you know that."

I wrote something last night. The first line kept coming to me: a plea from my Maker himself, so I wrote it down, unaware of any meaning, yet hopeful of finding it.

Please, don't paint the portrait red,
where it's always been blue.
Shadows of darkness & light
Fighting in the fading daylight.
God cause me never to forget..
Yet, the Word confirms,
'As far as the east is from the west'
You can forget.
Footboard serves as an anchor,
underneath my grasping hand.
A divided heart
makes the nation a ruin.
Thunderstorm of erotic shapes & colors-
my heart lies melted upon the canvas.
What's left is not a masterpiece;
Rather, the culminations of a choice:
Choose this day whom you will serve,
& please, don't paint the portrait red.

It didn't take more than a couple of lines to realize that was I was writing seemed to be twin sister to a painting I'd done a few weeks earlier. By the time it was done, I felt that my King was saying to me, "You are Mine. You have always been my servant. Satan can threaten tyranny, but you have always been and will always be Mine."

A friend of mine once said we are, 'wild minds tamed by education...' imaginations stiffled by society. Oh God, you make me dream. You give me hope for a new life. Anticipation for tomorrow. Closed eyes, a willing heart, and light feet. Someday my eyes will open to living color. Someday I will no longer live by other people's fears. Nor their coping mechanisms. What am I afraid of? Cod. Why would a fish ever be name Cod anyhow? chuckle. no, no I'm not afraid of Cod. I am afraid of being invincible. More than a conqueror as Romans puts it. Nothing will appeal. Trust so immovable...that envy becomes dirt on the ground. Lust, a lost relative. Strife, the bootstraps on that fighting cat from Shrek's shoes. His name is Bootstrap isn't it? Please hold.. ok good then. It's not. Onward. Do you see what I mean? The familiarities of this life will dissolve into the nothingness they will become when it is time. And the heart beats on. It is the choice to be mastered by One. To set the gaze. To fix the eyes. To stop the ears from evil, to keep the hand from extorted gain, to turn the eye from temptation. But once you have chosen... Does this make sense? Nothing the world has to offer will be of any value. That is what I fear. That everything I have ever seen will have no appeal, but that which I have not seen will be given full reign to satisfy me. To choose, a life with a heartbeat, rather than a matinee movie - which leaves you empty as you walk into the light of day & realize it was a shmah. A flake. A feature presentation, silence your phone, crock. Whence you seek the pleasures of this world, 'Desire is numbed by pleasures,' the wise words of my friend echo on.

The bottom line is: there is a cost. The classic hold to any heroic tale. The cost. Spiderman can't have the girl. Superman can't tell the girl. Edward can't not destroy the girl with his taste for blood. There is something that appeals to our flesh. Something we wouldn't mind letting have mastery over us. And that. Is what we have to give up. He has bigger plans, does He? What if I am okay without them? To give it a go & be gone. That is what I am wired at. Him. I don't quite understand Him. He is constant. Even when the chance for a go isn't. He is always purposeful. Always daring. Always moving. His nature is constant and unchanging and unwaveringly for my good & the good of those around me.

These are just words. They are incomplete. The thoughts have developed into something entirely new by now -as I did talk to my (invincible) grandmother just before wrapping this up. At the moment, they were true. Now I set here, more infused with courage and faith. Perhaps next time, faith will have developed. What more can I hope for? haha, I hope for so much. Perhaps next time, I will be closer to it.