lamentations

I brush my teeth at night why? Easy. So I can taste my passionberry twist gum more fully.

I feel at peace now why? Easy. Explaining it, hard.

Yesterday I nearly drowned. It was the first time I was legitimately in danger. That's not true. Every time you step into the water you surrender. Each step offering up more and more control, until you cant touch at all, & you're purposefully gliding toward the oncoming precipise. Your board goes up to a 60 degree angle, then you land flat again & it breaks heavily at your feet. However, before I reached the the break-point of no return, I reached the break. Surfing's not one of those sports where you feel compelled to swear when something bad happens. Well, it kind of is, when you see that huge wave folding in on you. But immediately the urge to retaliate with attitude goes away when you realize it's not you, it's the wave. There was nothing you could do to avoid this sudden disappointment - of seeing something very big and far more powerful than you about to hurt you. And then you know all you can do is accept that "it is in control and the best you can hope for is to be able to play in it." (surfing magazine) So you dive into the wave. Embracing it's power (& your powerlessness) is the only way to survive. Or walk away without a concussion at the least. So I dove. And dove. And dove. Unable to advance, I backed away until I could muster the drive to advance again. A older fella (probably 15 years my senior) uttered a genuinely impressed, "good job!" once I made it out. After some time of waiting for the perfect wave to make my own...my first (real) wave, at that, I went in, suddenly realizing it had to be getting close to 10 & I wasn't keen on being late to work. I like the boys. I like talking with them and having something in common with the gustsiest of the gutsy on the island. I converse with some utterly stunning men that I don't even think about ...until now. hahahah wait, I do remember thinking about it a few days ago, when I was walking through the parking lot with my dripping hair & wetsuit, when a wave-sick-puppy, in need of a crashing fix, eagerly asked me if it was worth it. I fumbled through words, letting him know visibility was low but the waves were good. haha and as I was fumbling I was mad that they wouldn't come...because I knew they weren't coming because he was stunning. SIIiiigh. It's quite a trip. : ) I'll leave it at that.

Also, days of incredible surf make me loooooooooong to be able to do it. Truth be told, I haven't legitimately paddled into a wave with the intent of trying to surf it yet. : ) haha, I'll know when it's the right time. Plus, I think I want to wait until I know I can do it. Like Ashton, when he was learning how to walk...never let go of that coffee table until he could do it. And once he did, he could walk. Done deal. That was that. No falling down and hurting yourself over and over. Just patience.

Yesterday I seriously considered the possibility of changing my favorite color from sunset orange to sunrise orange. It was so purely beautiful.

I helped 3 girls at work yesterday. They were my age or a little older. The gorgeous blonde, seriously the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, tried on and purchased my favorite item from Bert's: this killer tube top dress. Four thick horiontal stripes, white, grey, pale yellow, & black. It's just excellent. (It actually did look great with her blonde hair though, better than it would with my sunbleached (28-day-color-riiiight!) brunette) I showed her my other favorite dress & asked her what she thought about it. Black, it's really pretty, but she already has a bunch of black dresses. The other girl, she was awesome. Sporting a fish hook from underneath the bill of her ball-cap. Thick southern accent. Anyway, the gist of it is, I naturally jumped into their completely freely loving circle of friendship/girl-world & realized how absolutely fun girls are. The stunner with the fish hook kept asking me for advice about things and apologizing, lamenting how annoyed they must be making me. Little did she know, that brief 15 minute interaction was so telling for me. I was just blessed by their presence. You just don't see 'crews' very often. Especially not here, it's all young married's and engaged and single millitious men.

When the sun sets. The clouds become bubble gum and grape and blue-raspberry flavored cotton candy. Captivated, the deep, blackening silhouettes of the pines stretch out their broad limbs for a taste. Then the water takes your breath away. It's like the land longs to meet the clouds, but the water's the suitor of choice. It actually touches the mesmerizing sky. A perfectly united masterpiece. In the mornings, the smooth streaks of fresh sunlight look like gasoline spills on top of the solid, pre-daylight intracoastal. The clouds drape across the sky. My mouth waters as I imagine the taste of this morning's flavor: strawberry/orange-cream swirl.