wild hearts can't be broken

First thought: non Christians have something right...community. They know we need one another. They are not hostile toward God. They just don't know Him. This week I've been going to Lauren's to hang out. She has a cool Cali-boy musician roommate, Chris. Chris likes me. Her other roommate just got the boot to go live in a halfway house...because Lauren's was not an 'uplifting environment' for him says the parole officer or whatever. Basically. Yea. Do I have to be more blunt? It's the real deal. People coming in all the time. Parties all the time. Stuff goes down. They were on the fritz when I stopped in unexpectedly & rang the doorbell. They made it very clear I'm to just come in... doorbells are for cops. ANyway. Oh about the community thing, I know I can talk with them about anything/real issues and they won't judge me.

Let me tell you the coolest thing. In a totally chill conversation (which I feel are much more prevalent among non-Christians...they just aren't worried about appearances of the heart...they're concerned about the heart)...so chill convo, & I say to Lauren, True or False, God is love? She said, "I can't answer that." I said why not? She said, "I wouldn't know the answer." OH MY GOSH. Rock my world with the wisdom in that statement! That is wisdom. Not to open your mouth about something you know nothing about. She was absolutely right. That was the right answer. If she does not know God, she would not know if he is love. But to come right out and say she could not answer, instead of jumping on the opportunity to voice her opinion, to give her 2 cents, to grasp at those 15 minutes of fame....when someone truly wanted to know her more deeply....wow. Wow. Thank you God.

2. Living with Maurice & Peggy.
I took a practical step toward knowing God's heart more & it's stellar. It's uncomfortable. & God is just doing cool things, as we are commited to peace in the home. With Christ as the center of each relationship. Using one another to refine our characters. Sometimes the people we would last choose to rub shoulders with are the ones necesary for God's work to be done in our lives.

3. I'm training wild horses with Brittany, a girl from work, tomorrow at 9 a.m. & hanging out with Amanda & Jaymian from small group tomorrow night. I'm so stoked to get beat up by some raging beasts. Jump 'em & rope 'em & ride 'em! WOOOoo!

4. This reminds me. Maurice hit me SO HARD on the back tonight after dinner. WHACKED. I tell you what! It felt SO good! MAN. I don't know, but if I could trade all the hugs I've gotten in the past year, what I needed was that forceful solid thunking slap on the spine. Geeze. Stop icing over & telling me it's okay, DO something to get me moving! Remind me I'm real. Best reality check ever. I've never been hit. I loved it. My dad & I wrestled when I was little, but not so much contact after that. No one is harsh with me. And I appreciate harshness. Better open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted. I prefer open rebuke to hidden love. And I feel like we're all hiding.

5. Jeff, Cyle & I talked about internship details yesterday. It was amazing. Working in the office with my little brother (who has and continues to make me so proud in his spiritual growth) and this dreamer of a guy who wants to pull us alongside him as his eyes are set on Christ. The three of us were all working together on folding newsletters & just having the most meaningful, open, heart-felt conversations about marriage, singleness, God, ministry. I found myself thinking it would be amazing to get to do this habitually. AMAzing.

6. My biggest spiritual struggle is: that I've taken a hecka lotta time looking to God, learning about his heart, & now that I've seen his heart is that the whole world know him, how am I supposed to bring my focus back down? As a menial, minescule, minute human...what can I possibly do that will be of grand worth in the lasting Kingdom of heaven? IWANNADOMORE. So much so that it (Satan) has me overwhelmed, discouraged, & paralyzed at the grandeur of the project. That jerk. Kevin said, don't try to figure out the world, that's God's job. Just do what He gives you to do. Mmmhm. I do. I'll admit, I do feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders & I can't even be settled enough to love the people I'm around because heaven & hell are just so gosh dang imminent.

7. I like having people that don't know me from Adam around. I can talk to them. I'm not afraid to tell them what I need them to take into consideration when I need advice. I can almost (I haven't gotten to the core issue yet, but am almost to the place where I can) just confess my sins...that I may be healed! WOO! Can't wait.

Okay, time to rest up for the round up!!! Break in some colts. Hah, nah, just like the Disney film tried to tell us back in '91, Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.